I'm learning to let things go. To stop fighting so hard for things that aren’t happening, to stop trying so hard to win everything and everyone. To stop conforming to a society that’s never content, that always expects more of you, that expects you to be everything all at once, a society that looks at you based on what ‘goals’ you have accomplished.

I’m slowly learning to take it easy. To stop being so hard on myself. To stop trying to check every box or every item on my bucket list. I’m learning to put all my lists away. To slowly have faith in my life, that I’m right where I’m supposed to be and right where I need to be. I’m slowly learning not to run away every time. I’m slowly learning to accept myself; with all my uncertainties, with all my insecurities, with all the chaos that’s happening inside my mind.

I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to get attached to things as long as you know that they might not last forever. As long as you’re ready to let them go when they’re no longer yours. As long as you’re ready to release them instead of possess them.

I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to get everything I want, that I won’t always be the best person or do the right thing, that I may sometimes be the reason why I pushed something away from me and I’m learning to be okay with it.

I’m slowly learning that the essence of life is change and letting go is part of it. I’m slowly learning that letting go is not a bad thing. That letting go may be a blessing in disguise.

I’m slowly learning that God wants me to let go too. He wants to understand that no matter how hard I try, it’s going to be his call at the end of the day. That no matter how badly I want to control things, I can’t. That no matter how hard I work for something, it won’t always be mine if he doesn’t want it to be. I’m learning that it’s always going to be his word above mine and I’m learning to love him for it.

I’m slowly learning that sometimes you have to let go of everything you’ve known, everything you’ve believed and everything you’ve ever loved so you can truly live. I’m slowly learning that letting go is not the same as losing hope. And this is giving me all the hope I need.

              السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته.

So today, I saw too many people cried. Too much dissapointment. Tbh it scares me a lot. 1 yr from now am I going to be happy or am I gonna cry?

            When I saw my seniors got their result, I vow to myself. I had to do something for myself. It's time to stand up for myself. It's time to slay and kill their words. Its time to make my beloved ones proud of me. I've to set my priorities and focus. I don't even care what my result gonna look like soon, just put some effort and strive hard.

The realization hits me well. And there's sth that popped out in my mind;

"You've done things you're not proud of in the past. You're not alone. Don't feel hopeless. Start anew. Pray. He is waiting to hear from you."

Biar. Biar org kata mustahil untuk kau berjaya. Kalau tak dapat apa yang kau nak, at least kau menang bermaruah sebab kau dah usaha, bukan sibuk mengata.

I warn you, jangan biarkan kata kata manusia destroy yrself. Its not the end yet. Go out, do something for yrself.

I know its hard to keep on living with the situation like this. But, be grateful with what you have and lets strive harder,
 من جد وجد.

Kita mencorak langit kita, takdir kita ialah lukisan kita. Berjaya atau tidak bukan hak kita, tapi kuasa Dia.

Semoga hati anda sentiasa didakap cinta ilahi dan kejayaan mengiringi!
 
                                                                         Esh.

     For now, i think i rather focus on what matters. Stop being so negative about everything and just go with the flow. I want to appreciate what's left for me. Those people who stayed, i want to cherish them forever. Because i realize, nothing lasts forever. So i am going to appreciate every single person/thing in my life. There is no guarantee that we can live another day.

   Oh yes, i'll keep u an update about my result of final year examination. See ya! ;;